Bands, listen up!

An unexpected Christmas present

A gentleman from Tulsa sends me his regular Zig Gazette. I don't recall why or how it came about but this one I found especially enjoyable, mainly the part I culled here verbatim:

Rules For Bands (some of them. Thanks to Wanda and several others who sent this)

Never start a trio with a married couple.
Before you sign a record deal, look up the word ‘recoupable.’
No one cares who you’ve opened for.
Strings do not make your song more important.
Never name a song after your band.
Never name your band after a song.
Don’t enter a ‘Battle Of The Bands’ – if you do you’re already losers.
Learn to recognize scary word pairings like ‘rock opera,' ‘white rapper,' ‘blues jam,’swing band,’ and ‘open mike.’
Drummers can go shirtless or wear gloves, but not both.
Playing two towns doesn’t mean you’re ‘on tour.'
If you use a fog machine, your music sucks.
Oxymorons: Major label interest, demo deal, blues genius, $500 guarantee, and Fastball’s second hit.
Never coming back: a) gongs, b) headbands, c) playing slide guitar with a beer bottle.

-30-

I'm Not Often Seen in These Parts

I'm not often seen in these parts
We'll meet again whither bound
I'm out when day turns to dark
When a full moon is shining loud

-- Bryce Martin

Bakersfield, California


I.


In the distance music
blended into the night
saying: come join in

On Edison Highway
or anywhere, really


II.


Bakersfield "the country music
capital of the west"

Oildale "a suburb of
Bakersfield" said Haggard

battled for its soul
like the devil versus man


III.


Today it is all young hat acts
along with teen blondes.

The clubs are long-ah-gon-ay,
the fiddles are long-ah-gon-ay
Bakersfield as capital long-ah-gon-ay.

But, oh, wait while we

dream of those days,
said a new bunch moved in.


-- Bryce Martin

The Poet of the Common Dram

When your likeness has appeared on the side of a 7-11 Slurpee cup as well as an R. Crumb drawing, you know you've hit the big time somewhere along the line. Such as it is with Merle Haggard, icon of a country music generation and more.

Of course, he also posed for an outdoorsy shot of him plunking an acoustic guitar on the cover of the Spring 1997 issue of Hemp Times. Haggard has publicly stated in the past that he took up marijuana after a doctor told him it was better for him than his Valium habit.

Do you think the country music hall of fame in Nashville has had second thoughs about enscribing one of his quotes on its outside wall?

-30-

Poet of the Common Dram

R. Crumb rendered him in pen
Fitting you say for an ex-con
The Poet of the Common Man
His tombstone bio?
On an old doc's advice
He substituted vice for vice
Going to pot he was sold
After Valium left him cold
Merle Haggard made his stand
The Poet of the Common Dram

--Bryce Martin

Buckaroos Failed to Get Their Due on Big Hit

Instrumental singles were normally two-side affairs. In other words, both sides were instrumentals. That was because they were done by bands or individual instrumentalists, not by singers. It is somewhat odd then that one of the biggest instrumental hits in the history of country music, "Buckaroo," is credited to Buck Owens, and not the Buckaroos, the actual instrumental group behind the song. The Capitol single reads "Buck Owens and The Buckaroos," not just "The Buckaroos," as they are rightly billed on their many albums and some other singles efforts. Not only that, the flip side is a regular Owens vocal, "If You Want a Love." In fact, Owens' vocal singles after a certain point all read "Buck Owens and The Buckaroos." "Buckaroo" the single should have been billed as by The Buckaroos and backed with another of their instrumentals. It remains an oddity for these reasons.
-- Bryce Martin

Their Worst Recordings

Merle Haggard -- His much-maligned "Daddy Frank" is that way for a reason or two.

Red Simpson -- He finally ran out of novelty material with "Yip-Yip."

Tommy Collins -- Not "Boob-I-Lak." Collins ran through "Okie From Muskogee" on his Starday LP Callin' like it was an aircheck.

Buck Owens -- "Santa Looked a Lot Like Daddy" is tempting, as is his remake of Simon and Garfunkel's "Bridge Over Troubled Waters," but the clear-cut winner is "It Takes People Like You (To Make People Like Me)."

-30-

 

Far Away Guys

Some Girls Resented 'Drag Queen' Smear

The original Some Girls LP (COC 39108) from The Rolling Stones featured the famous die-cut cover and a picture sleeve insert that included face shots of Lucille Ball, Farrah Fawcett, Raquel Welch, Judy Garland and Marilyn Monroe. The ladies still living at the time, and the estates of those deceased, objected to the drag queen context of the layout. The amended version that then came out was faceless.

As mentioned before in this blog, Bakersfield is given a nod in the first cut on the B-side, "Far Away Eyes," with Ronnie Wood's searing country lead on the guitar.
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